Be Careful What You Wish For

November 20th


Today is the first time I have really felt unemployed and have problems settling to life of cushion lounging and debauchery. Imagine debauchery quite tricky to manage on ones own and cats not providing much help as too busy cushion lounging on their own without any input required from me. Can only assume this makes cats far superior loungers.

Alarming tendency to watch QVC channel escalates into purchase which I am for some reason deeply embarrassed by despite it being something I have been researching on net and for which this is the best price I have seen.

Good news arrives in the form of an email from Lucy announcing she is with child and bad news in the form of phone call from HTB to say he is being made redundant. Ignore small voice in back of head which screeches "see we should never have gone on holiday" as unlikely to be real cause of redundancy and instead make supportive and cheering remarks to HTB. Have to laugh when he tells me the response of his team "princess" to the announcement is "how does this affect me?"

Train of thought returns to wishes made in Thailand, two of which have apparently come true (well second one half true as old job has to go for new to arrive) and rush to computer to see if I have miracle email offering me publishing contract. I am very excited by my space email starting "I am a writer" but turns out to be bloke who apparently has already published his book asking to be my friend. Have moment of weakness and accept his friendship request and that of unknown band just to make myself feel more popular.

As no publishing deal in offing, immediately resolve to lift burden on HTB by undertaking cost cutting exercise on domestic front and switch heating off and put on several jumpers. Unearth slow cooker from back of cupboard and cook cheap but nourishing casserole from contents of tins in cupboards (mostly kinds of lentil) using nothing but the power of a light bulb.

Call Mother to pass on news and she tells me about chap from similar school period to HTB who I once kissed at a school disco who now runs multi-million card company and was written up in the Observer and is still single.

I am unclear as to whether this information is to spur me to dump the soon to be unemployed HTB and reintroduce myself to this person who I have spent the last 23 years trying to pretend I never, ever kissed or whether it is a return to her favourite theme of setting up a business to supply a Gap In The Market.

Thankfully it turns out to be the latter as she finishes by saying she can see why he is still single as she has never liked a man with slicked down hair. Start to say that I am sure Daddy will be please to hear she won't be leaving him for a toy boy when am struck by clear and distinct image of my father's hair in their wedding photos. Remind Mother of this at which she laughs and says that's different and I am relieved that 50 years of marriage and 4 daughters not based on lie after all.

Realise after hanging up, that calls at this time of day not included in package and have probably erased effects of extra jumper wearing.

Nourishing casserole not huge success as turns out quite watery, not enormously hot, despite being cooked over light bulb for 8 hours and strangely beige. HTB apparently has trouble identifying contents of bowl but bravely consumes all before talking brightly about how many more wage packets he has before he finishes work, which I take to be his tactful way of letting me know we can afford to eat things he can name and which come in food colours.


November 30th

Consider looking for job as limit to numbers of times can record sighting of large squirrel and averted disaster of coloured sock in white load in amusing manner and this seems to be central theme of past few days.

Very much missing stimulation of company of Rachel and Alice, but not missing having to get out of bed at crack of dawn everyday. Receive charming and amusing emails from both of them which greatly cheer me and reveal that much disliked member of staff has finally been fired at work and Alice has been on two successful dates. Alice also forwards freelance writing job she has seen and get very excited as feel sure this is the job I wished for.

Gym arrives from QVC and there is slight delay while HTB and I both go out and achieve PhDs in rocket science and Taiwanese so we can put it together.

Bump into old friend in village known by mutual friends as "old faithful" and whose real name I will not reveal for reasons that will soon become obvious. Irony of nickname soon becomes apparent as he reveals over lattes that he is having an affair with girl half his age, while his wife is abroad on business.

Am completely thrown by this as it just doesn't seem like him and further thrown by his apparent lack of grand passion for mistress as his reason for affair seems not so much to be "we couldn't help ourselves" as "she was there."

All very disconcerting and I ask if wife likely to throw him out on inevitable discovery of affair. He says thinks she would be upset but he thinks he could grovel sufficiently to keep her and I say if his intention is to keep wife rather than leave her for much younger woman wouldn't this be best achieved by faithfulness?

Can see friend understands logic of this in brain, but doubt brain will be the decision making organ when he next sees mistress.