A Rose By Any Other Name

It is with great joy that I find myself working in the service of the great British public again, this time at a darling museum in my new home town.

Within minutes I am utilising my ability to have seperate internal and external conversations while biting the insides of my cheeks (I'm a multi-tasking kinda gal) as I add a new member of the public first name Saffron, last name Paffron to our database. I think I have misheard until we get to her email address which is saffpaff@ etc etc.com.

I manage not to dissolve into giggles while musing on her marital status. Either this is her unmarried name in which case what were her parents thinking? Her married name, in which case, did she go looking for Mr Paffron? Or it wasn't her name at all until she changed it. (Why? Why? Why?)

It remains I mind boggling mystery as she collects her tickets and sweeps into the museum.

Now all I need is some teachers!

Things you never expect to hear from your bank manager

It’s not everyday one gets a call from one’s bank manager asking if one has visited a Nevada brothel lately, but that’s what happens to me this morning.

Sadly I am forced to reply in the negative and so a new debit card is winging it’s way to me as I type.

My bank manager remarks i am taking it all very calmly and I assured him I am very much reassured not only by his bank’s efficiency in spotting the problem, but am also safe in the knowledge that there isn’t enough money in my account for so much as a decent blow job.

Bank Manager seems somewhat startled by my interpretation and I can’t help but wonder if they will be replaying my call as part of training.

Love Finds Andy Hardy

I have to confess since living alone I have been indulging a wild love affair with ....... power tools!

NO NO not THOSE kind of power tools get your mind out of the gutter! Besides which that is hardly a NEW love affair - spanning as it has some twenty years! (Not I hasten to add with the same power tool, commitment phobic that I am I can't even commit to a battery!)

No I'm talking about drill bits and raw plugs and posidrivs - ah the sweet language of love - the thrill of the flat head screw.

In fact there is barely a surface in chez bangs that hasn't been augmented in some manner with pictures, mirrors, curtain rails, mantel shelves or cunning rails for the support of kitchen implements.

As Ratty in Wind in the Willows so nearly said (and most certainly would have done had he been a single woman of a certain age with a tool box - but that would have been a very different book)

"There is nothing half so satisfying as messing about with power tools"

Oh and for anyone reading this thinking it would be about my love life I loathe to disappoint so I can report a most satisfactory valentine date watching Breakfast At Tiffanys on the big screen.

Perhaps younger blonds will be a part of my mid-life crisis after all!

Well if I am going to be a cliche it might as well be a fun cliche.