Suicide Blonde - Dyed By My Own Hand

17th October

Decide in preparation for trip to USA to highlight hair with kit bought some time ago for purpose. Therefore proceed to unwrap kit, which includes cap for head and fiendish looking metal crochet hook for purposes of drawing hair through cap.

Follow instructions to place cap on head and tie drawstrings under chin, but am completely unable to tell from either instructions or pictures which way round the cap should go. Eventually after much too-ing and fro-ing settle on a direction and pull cap firmly down on head, at which point it rips up one side leaving one tie dangling uselessly.

Am unsure whether this means I have unfeasibly large head (horrified flash back to man hand incident at work earlier in week) or merely have hat on back to front, gloomily decide that it is both, and press on as being Too Late Now.

Find I am entirely lacking in knack required for successful drawing through of hair, as either succeed in only pulling through vaguest wisp of hair, or after repeatedly stabbing my self with crochet hook, drawing through enormous clump of hair and enlarging hole. Additionally each time a draw hair through, succeed in pulling hair already through back into cap, in manner vaguely reminiscent of funfair game where mole pops up through one hole, only to disappear swiftly before appearing through another some distance away. (Similarity ends there as no one attempting to bash me on head with mallet, which given damage done to scalp by metal hook feel especially grateful for.)

Persevere until most of top, front of head is done, resign myself to not having highlights on back of head and give up and coat hair in bleach paste. Decide while I am waiting to remove facial hair with cream (thankfully not confused with bleach paste), and read book in bath. Get totally absorbed in book and completely forget time, coming back to myself only to discover bleach has been on head for good 10 minutes longer than intended, screech, leap from bath and plunge head into shower.

When I finally get up nerve to inspect finished effect am pleasantly surprised by flattering aspect and feel all turned out rather well considering.

A Quiet Afternoon in the Office

Is entirely brightened by this:

4PM Actually, It's a Generational Rorschach Test

Twentysomething new hire: Why is there a Harry Potter picture in our lobby?
Fortysomething manager: Actually that's a painting of John Lennon.

Silicon Valley, California

Overheard by: Pop Culturally Literate
via Overheard in the Office, Sep 18, 2006