Come Fly With Me

October 31st

Discover on last day of commute that other end of Woking platform gives access to train with abundance of empty seats. Decide as it is my last day to embrace Londonerish behavior and push back everyone who shoves me. Find this tremendously liberating and really rather fun and have to consider theory that City of Londoners maybe not the complete tossers I have always considered certain of them to be but merely freer spirits than myself who long ago discovered the joys of shoving people on the tube. Man on tube demonstrates my amateur status at shoving by invading my space so thoroughly that he manages to stand on the hem of my trousers. I retaliate by coughing without putting my hand over my mouth (this is after all war) and take comfort from the thought of all my germs attaching themselves invisibly to the back of his head. Buy poppy from vendor at London Bridge partly as is charity I am strong supporter of and partly from anticipated joys of having access to a pin on my return tube journey.



Photographers out in force on London Bridge doing the kind of fashion spread that involves stopping passers by and asking what they are wearing. Wait to be stopped as feel I am looking very Audrey Hepburn in my black cashmere polo neck, wide legged trousers and ballet flats, but alas it is not to be. On reflection – both internal and in the window of a bus I realize that to the outside world I probably look like the woman who ate Audrey Hepburn and stole her shoes. A Holly Goheavily if you will. I have heard on interesting and educational documentary that many women afflicted with inability to judge own size, adding up to 3 dress sizes to their silhouette when scientifically tested. Sadly this is not a problem for me and cannot help but think dieting would be much easier for me if I didn't actually think I looked 3 sizes smaller than I am all the time.



HTB phones from Doctors with disturbing news that he has been diagnosed with diabetes. Disturbing on two levels – one that this is chronic and potentially dangerous disease with serious consequences including blindness and loss of limbs if not addressed, other that it brings me out in a form of 'diagnosis envy' and I reflect grumpily on unfairness of a world where it has taken Drs 4 years to decide I might have something something syndrome and in which HTB is only in Drs for 20 minutes and comes out with diabetes. Once again am directed to conclusion that I am strange and shallow person and should probably not mention 'diagnosis envy' to anyone and definitely not to HTB.

Rest of afternoon goes all too quickly and I take an emotional leave from Rachel and Alice before heading home to pack for Thailand in between handing out chocolate to large numbers of strangely dressed children, most of whom appear to live in the house opposite.

November 1st

Airport provides unparalleled opportunity for favorite pastime of people watching. Fellow passengers fall into 4 distinct categories:

Unwashed twenty-somethings of indeterminate gender with identical combat trousers, facial hair and piercings; Single middle aged men of such size or ugliness that I can only imagine this is their annual trip abroad for a paid sex, and then shy away from the image that conjures up; Young bored looking Thai women in tight jeans and 4 inch heels (swelling is apparently a farang problem) traveling with middle aged men in blazers; and thirty-something norms in a range of smart yet comfortable trousers and sensible shoes.

HTB and myself fall firmly into this latter category

Am momentarily distracted by sight of chap on crutches to whom I was just about to offer my seat, fling his crutches away in manner of Tiny Tim and sink to floor in lotus position displaying a limberness most of us would kill for. Italian female companion with him is wearing Victoria's Secret thong, a fact I am privy to as she has somehow managed to tuck her t-shirt into her thong, pulling it and the label above her trousers in the process. Speculate as to whether unusual fashion faux pas due to head injury received on Jubilee line some weeks earlier and if so what a coincidence.

Along with most of the people around me I spend much of pre-boarding fervently praying that the hyperactive toddler introducing itself to a number of passengers, while its parents sit with besotted "isn't he adorable and so precocious" smiles, is seated at the other end of the plane. I also hope to avoid the really, really fat bloke and the machine engineer who introduces himself to us and then proceeds to discuss the number of times he has accidentally got a knife through the security checks. Renew prayers and add him to growing list of people I do not wish to sit next to for 11 hours.

Am working on a number of plans as to how I can open a vein in the absence of sharp implements on the plane (although presumably I could just ask my new friend for his knife) should he be seated next to us, when we are called and he isn't – huge relief.

We don't entirely escape as we end up next to a retired ex-pat who treats all Thais as servants and merely shouts the command "red wine" over and over to the staff until they cut him off and he subsequently passes out. At this point all the Thai staff he has abused come over and do impressions of him sleeping, to the great amusement of HTB and myself.

Sleep through the first "made for tv" film, but wake up in time for "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" which is very good and take us through nicely to breakfast and landing.

Are met at the airport by car sent by Lucy and identified by the sign "Peakaboobangs and HTB", which is really rather nice.